Mr. Cox, I am an American married male, 52 years old, who has been practising meditation for the past 25 years. In 1972, when I was 20 years old, I had a spiritual plateau experience.
My wife is 40 years old and we both enjoy sharing our most intimate sexual desires with each other. A few years back we had an intimate relationship with another man who was 6 years my wife’s junior. He visited us nearly every other Sunday evening for over a year. It started out being mainly about sex and ended up being much more about exploring the kind of intimacy that requires extraordinary openness and honesty. Like you I realize that the key to experiencing profound awareness, sexual or otherwise, depends almost solely on one’s ability to disappear; to forget that “I” exists, to stop thinking, to leave the ego behind since the ego requires thought to exist.
The ego is a wonderful tool but a horrible master. When Ram Dass was giving a seminar someone asked him if meditation had transformed him. His surprising reply was something like, “Not at all. Meditation has merely allowed me to become a connoisseur of my own neurosis.” I believe that we are only capable of loving and hating others to the degree that we are capable of loving and hating ourself. As you have stated, we can only accept and hug others to the degree that we can accept and hug ourself. Therefore, I am both fascinated by your web site and a little jealous.