Since I was a kid felt interest in my own gender. Of course at the time (I am in my late 50’s) it was something I barely acted upon neither was something “normal”. Growing up, those feelings became more consistent and I started to feel weird: had I to be cured, what was wrong with me?. I put my feelings aside and tried to follow a “normal” life. Eventually I married and still am, with a woman I love and with whom we built a wonderful family. My Myth never faded. I tried to “understand it” in so many different ways. I felt like living in an impossible geometry, where ups and downs were all but the same. I became a Grindr addict, looking for… I didn’t know. I had sex with many men that faded away. I wanted a “friend”, I wanted to be appreciated, listened to. I wanted to be complete, I wanted to live an open life to myself. I love my wife and family and feel that the “impossible geometry” of my sexuality should include them, even if there are no any references or models to follow. A Myth…. A new narrative of my own, an identity that is mine and I have no need to explain it to anybody. I don’t need to excuse myself for who I am or how I feel. After so much searching, I have found the answer with a married man of my same age, who wants to live a family life as well as his masculinity as a whole. We are dear friends and partners, we respect ourselves and we are growing together a long overdue aspect of our lives. We feel hand to hand in uncharted territory and that’s more than enough to feel we are in the right side of our feelings, The Myth is no longer a Myth, but a beautiful reality. We feel privileged. – Andreas
I wrote “Unfold your own Myth” about a year ago. Today I feel I have climbed my own inner Everest, leaving behind the comfort of the easy trails. I have discovered my deepest masculinity with respect, awe and joy. I have embraced the lonely boy I was and have invited him to live in my new home, where I can admire the mountains and listen to the river down there in the deep canyon. I am a man. A simple and normal man, full of ambivalences. Sometimes I think I am right, others that I am wrong. When that happens, I sit down and look down at the far away valley I left so long ago. I have a family I simply adore. I have a friend with whom we have grown and made our masculinity bloom In all its possibilities. Is it about sex? Yes, sometimes. Is it about friendship? Yes, most of the time. Is it about growing as a human beings? Always. I don’t have to explain or excuse myself for being who I am. I don’t have to live my live according to anybody else’s myth. I have unfold my own myth. And it feels warm, solid, respectful. It feels the right place to live in. After damaging myself in so many ways, rejecting and blaming myself, now my self inflicted scars are the structures of my being. I visited so many places I shouldn’t have, but I needed to. Because those harsh trails took me to places where no other footprints have been left. Now I fly as a free bird, loving the whirlwinds and hating the mathematics. I can hardly believe that freeing myself meant embracing my whole self and paint with the thousand colors I was gifted with when I was born. No tags, no prejudices, no definitions of how and who I can love. Or make love with. The ashes of the man I was have flown away in the Andes and will never come back. I now enjoy the freedom of the flying condors and will never be back to a world of “musts” and “must nots”. – Andreas
Really a very great statement, Andreas!
I wrote “Unfold your own Myth” about a year ago. Today I feel I have climbed my own inner Everest, leaving behind the comfort of the easy trails.
I have discovered my deepest masculinity with respect, awe and joy. I have embraced the lonely boy I was and have invited him to live in my new home, where I can admire the mountains and listen to the river down there in the deep canyon.
I am a man. A simple and normal man, full of ambivalences. Sometimes I think I am right, others that I am wrong. When that happens, I sit down and look down at the far away valley I left so long ago.
I have a family I simply adore. I have a friend with whom we have grown and made our masculinity bloom
In all its possibilities.
Is it about sex? Yes, sometimes. Is it about friendship? Yes, most of the time. Is it about growing as a human beings? Always.
I don’t have to explain or excuse myself for being who I am. I don’t have to live my live according to anybody else’s myth. I have unfold my own myth. And it feels warm, solid, respectful. It feels the right place to live in.
After damaging myself in so many ways, rejecting and blaming myself, now my self inflicted scars are the structures of my being. I visited so many places I shouldn’t have, but I needed to. Because those harsh trails took me to places where no other footprints have been left. Now I fly as a free bird, loving the whirlwinds and hating the mathematics.
I can hardly believe that freeing myself meant embracing my whole self and paint with the thousand colors I was gifted with when I was born.
No tags, no prejudices, no definitions of how and who I can love. Or make
love with. The ashes of the man I was have flown away in the Andes and will never come back.
I now enjoy the freedom of the flying condors and will never be back to a world of “musts” and “must nots”.
Thanks for the article. I too have a wonderful wife who maintains a wonderful family life that I treasure. There are absolutely no secrets between my wife and myself.
The marvelous thing for me is that since I first saw a man at a naturist resort who moved me I didn’t do what I have often done with women who arouse me. With women unfortunately I throw caution to the wind and experience temporary amnesia forgetting all the dangers associated with losing self control.
With men I think about the reality and the consequences of telling someone I will be their friend.
I too enjoy the hapenis blog immensly.
I am aroused and sober minded.
A step in the right direction.
Wow, I’m 60 and wish I could have this experience. I’ve been trying to deal with my feelings for over 40 years. I’m married and have a beautiful wife and two beautiful daughters. But I’ve been missing something in my life to complete me. I wish I could find a married man my age who feels the same way. I’m glad I found your site.
Dean, We all owe a debt of deep gratitude to Seb Cox for clearing the way for all of us.
It’s become crytstal clear that finding emotional support from another man is of critical importance. The roadblock has always been the fear of intimate physical contact together with the suppresion of a deep need to bond with another man. When I was young I was very attractive. I had several extremely brutal, univited, unwelcome encounters with older men. This site has helped me to slowly chip away at the barriers that have prevented me from letting go of my greatest fears about my ability to resist other men’s attempts to control me. I now realize that finding a man to love, encourage and befriend is a noble goal. For the time being reading the posts from other men who are on the same journey out of the darkness is very nice indeed. If I lived in the UK all of this would be much simpler. The US is in a state of confusion that is unfathomable. Here men who hate and kill other men are deeply admired and showcased.
Best to you, Dean. I wish you good fortune in the near future.
Thank You Gentle Men. Good luck on your sacred journey.
Congrats! I’m glad you found yourself and happiness. I love your story and your approach.
The great majority of bisexual men struggle with keeping their attraction to men a secret – in favor of the benefits of having a wife, family and leading a “normal” life. I’m happy you’ve found a man who is similarly inclined – with whom you can share intimate moments. Count yourself fortunate.
Andreas. You are a triumph.
You’re the man, Andreas.
Appreciate all your posts brother.