Now in my 50s, I no longer want to be tied to a committed relationship. When younger, I bought into the romantic notion of finding a soulmate and spending the rest of our lives together. I have been in two long-term relationships, each lasting over 10 years and supposedly monogamous. However, if ogling other men, looking at pornography and regularly masturbating are classed as cheating, I was a serial cheater! To be honest, I need to admit to being sucked and fucked by a few guys during those periods too. Now I want to remain single and enjoy the freedom of visiting gay bars and cruising sites, hooking up with guys over apps, and having guilt-free sex with whomever I choose. Commitment and monogamy might make biological sense in the heterosexual world (at least until the kids are grown), but not in my homosexual world of plentiful and gorgeous men. HugH
I completely agree. And I’m almost in my 80s. I don’t think total promiscuity and commitment to one or two or three or four long term relationships are mutually exclusive opposites. I love tulips and I love pine trees. Why can’t I have both in my garden? In any case, men are too sexy to beautiful to mortal to be allowed to just sit at home masturbating. I want all those cocks in my mouth or up my arse, if not today, then tomorrow. Gents, carpe fucking diem! – AJ
One of the main reasons that heterosexual men secretly envy gay men is because we have the freedom to be sexually open, without being bound by the parochial confines of a monogamous relationship. That being said, I draw a distinction between non-committal sexual exploration and promiscuity.
No one should be forced to live a lie, sexual or otherwise, but having tons of anonymous sex diminishes the soul in the long run. Twice I have been in relationships where my partner flatly stated he could not promise monogamy, then turned around and condemned me for having sexual relations with other men in the context of said relationship.
What the fuck is that supposed to mean? You want an ‘open relationship’ in essence but not in name? C’mon guys! A much healthier alternative for those who eschew one-on-one exclusivity would be to explore a polyamorous situation: introducing a third party into the equation would allow for both closeness and sexual exploration – particularly if one partner suffers from ED or a diminished sex drive. Think outside the box when it comes to relationship dynamics, and find what works for both you and your man, and leave the sport fucking to vintage porn!
Funny, I feel just the opposite!
I have “been there done that” (like many gay men) and am bored with the APATHY of many gay men who want to have quick sex with anyone who is willing! Perhaps fine for others (no judgement)…but I experimented as a young buck. Both relationships and as a wild single. Sadly, I also suffered the trauma of watching too many of my friends die from HIV! Now i am watching the rest of my friends suffer from HPV related cancers (throat, head & neck, mouth and anal cancers)
In my silver years, I long for a gay man who is 1st capable of monogamy and 2nd is looking to pair with another so we can enjoy each other and mutually enjoy sexual life. Lets face… not many men are capable of great “hard” sex after 70, so ten or so years of bliss is what i hope for! Hetro normative or not…I just consider it logical for me at my mature gay men 🥰 I know I am not missing much of anything!
I have made it this far without any illness…why would I take too many risks?
Thanks for your comments, Stephen. I fully understand and support your perspective. I am writing at a particular stage in my life, recently coming out of a sexually unsatisfying long-term relationship. Hence my appreciation for the freedom to explore openly and unreservedly, whether in practice or theory. I’ve probably done myself a disservice by sounding like a slut.
As you rightly point out, practising safe sex and protecting your health is paramount. The risk of STIs is very real, and condoms cannot protect against everything. With medical advances in HIV care, it’s too easy to forget the horrors from the 1980s onwards. Meanwhile, HPV is almost impossible to avoid from engaging with multiple partners, and the worst strains can lie dormant for years before emerging with devastating outcomes. The lust for a few moments of sexual release can hardly justify major risks to health and life.
I sincerely hope that you find the man you are seeking and your silver years are filled with love and sexual fulfilment. I expect that I might circle back to a similar longing for one loving partner, in due time. Best wishes and blessings to you!
Hugh,
Thanks so much for your gift of kindness! I wish you much enjoyment for you as well!
When you hit the wall…hollar at me! Stephen
I’m in a very loving, albeit sexless relationship since 20 years back. My hubby has retired his cock completely. This is why open relationship is essential for us to survive as a couple.
I love him, he’s my companion and we’ve been there for each other through thick and thin. But I need sex and physical closeness and pleasure, so I hook up with guys through sex apps once every now and then. He’s fine with that.
And honestly it’s been the best life for me. Hubby is an amazing guy, but terrible in bed. Our sexlife, when we had it, was utterly unfulfilling because he could never relax and let nature take its course. Always performative – and in the worst way possible… he tried to be a comedian in bed. Utterly killing the vibes with wisecrack jokes and stupid ass comments.
I don’t blame him though. I blame his overbearing, prude cunt of mother who never allowed him to grow up and become his own man. Always keeping him close, always calling att all hours of the day, constantly making sure she was in his thoughts. She destroyed him, and conditioned him to never develop that adult side of himself that involved a healthy libido. She’s gone now, but his scars remains, and I don’t have the heart to put him through the pressure of reconditioning him. I tried that for years already, everything under the sun to keep our sexlife on artificial life support, but he developed erectile dysfunction from the stress it caused. So now that the old succubus gone since a few years back, I leave him alone to heal and be at peace for the first time in his life. I know he’s got his hardon back because he masturbates, and that’s good enough for me.
As a result, I can have sex with whoever I want. My sexlife is hot and spicy, meeting mostly bicurious and straight* familymen (*at least up until they met me). There might be a reason why I gravitate towards men who have unfulfilling sexlives with their wives. To see them go from being withering drones to truly come alive and have that inner animal awaked is its own reward. When they realize that not one single part of their body is disgusting or offlimits, and that all their manly attributes are hot, including hairy back and sweatty pits… it frees the man. We’re literally fucking cavemen still, and we should take pride in that. Love you bros!
Thanks fellas.
Cavemen.
I have had the honor of putting a spark back into an otherwise withered drone on a number of occasions and its an amazing thing indeed.
We Men need to use or lose it. Lets use it.
I fit your description as an unfulfilled married man! Would love to talk about you “fix” for my problem!
Thank You Ben T