“Sex will either be sleazy and obsessive part of your life, or a sacred and powerful source of wellbeing.” – MANHOOD (by Steve Biddulph) : Biddulph suggests that for some men, sex can be viewed in a negative light, characterized by sleaziness and obsession. In this interpretation, sex may be associated with feelings of guilt, shame, or superficiality. It’s portrayed as something indulgent or even harmful, driven by base desires and lacking in deeper meaning or connection. On the other hand, Biddulph presents an alternative perspective in which sex is seen as a sacred and powerful aspect of life. Here, sex is viewed as something profound and transformative, capable of enhancing one’s overall well-being. It’s not just about physical gratification but also about emotional intimacy, spiritual connection, and personal growth. In this interpretation, sex is valued as a source of fulfillment, vitality, and deep connection with oneself and others.
I think you’ve done a brilliant job, Seb, of taking Biddulph’s message, directed at heterosexual males in conventional family relationships with women, and making it relevant to us here on your website. I downloaded his book from my favourite pirated books site and skimmed through it. Although he’s tolerant of the kind of sex we discuss here, and he’s deeply dedicated to men’s happiness and well-being, I do want to speak up a bit in praise of “sleaze.” I hear entirely what Mike McQueen is saying, but I don’t think there is a black and white opposition between the “sacred” and the “sleazy.” Among other things, I study Sufism in Java. You know a lot about Sufism in Persia. And I’m sure you know something about Tantrism. In some religious belief systems and practices, sleaze is sacred. Letting it all hang out, transgressing rules, having an orgy or two, may bring you closer to heaven, not further away from it. – AJ
Steve Biddulph was a must read for Australian parents when our kids were young. “Raising Bits” was the go to. Rough play and the importance of fathers forming a connection and showing boys how to honour their strengths and use their body and limit it for good and most importantly to feel good about being a man with manly urges was an important counter-cultural message in a world that increasingly seems to be a gynocracy.
I tried to instill that message in my own son whose cohort of friends all exhibit that nice freedom of being comfortable with their sexuality be it’s str8!94 gay or fluid. I find modern Melbourne has wonderful pubs and bars where people mix freely and no one cares about your sexuality. It’s a tolerant and inclusive place. I wonder if the powerful influence of Steve’s books had a small part to play in cracking the erstwhile hard-man Aussie bloke image.
This is a great comment!
I think you’ve done a brilliant job, Seb, of taking Biddulph’s message, directed at heterosexual males in conventional family relationships with women, and making it relevant to us here on your website. I downloaded his book from my favourite pirated books site and skimmed through it. Although he’s tolerant of the kind of sex we discuss here, and he’s deeply dedicated to men’s happiness and well-being, I do want to speak up a bit in praise of “sleaze.” I hear entirely what Mike McQueen is saying, but I don’t think there is a black and white opposition between the “sacred” and the “sleazy.” Among other things, I study Sufism in Java. You know a lot about Sufism in Persia. And I’m sure you know something about Tantrism. In some religious belief systems and practices, sleaze is sacred. Letting it all hang out, transgressing rules, having an orgy or two, may bring you closer to heaven, not further away from it.
Brilliant post. Truly, having survived a brutal Scottish childhood where sex between men was illegal until 1980 , It took me decades to cultivate my sexuality into a beautiful, energetic and peaceful celebration of my masculinity. Shame free man on man sex is awesome and I highly recommend it, go get em tiger! 💦
Bless You, MIke