In the text of Amar Rama, I find myself completely. I got married to do like everyone else and it was a time when we did not talk or very rarely about homosexuality. It was around the age of 45 that I dared to take the step towards a man and his sex, he and I were so excited that this first experience was quickly carried out. This was the starting point, in the moments of freedom that we all have in a couple, towards a search for a man who would share my free time, my tastes for the arts, music, sport. Not easy to find the rare bird!
It’s not easy to combine family life and gay encounters. We were the same age, he was single, he wasn’t particularly handsome, but he was interesting. A facility to relate to others, always a story to tell, an artist. My wife and my children were conquered by his personality, his humor. No objection if I go away with him for a few days. I lived this double life in total joy, my wife sometimes lamented our complicity but she never suspected his homosexuality. I am still married with a bond of deep friendship, mutual and lasting respect for my wife but nothing more sexual.
I am 76 years old now, it has been 16 years since my friend died suddenly leaving a great void. I have some time after trying to fill the void and it is at this moment that my wife understood that I was attracted to men. She took it badly for a while, I understood that attention had to be more important with her and I learned discretion in meetings. Over the years I have realized that I exert a certain attraction on young men, an attitude that fully comforts me. I have with age a change in my sexuality, certainly less male dominant.
Thank you Amar Rama, without his text, I would not have written anything.
Michael
