The Community?

There is something about your site that keeps me cumming back and back again. I’ve found something here which is better than viewing pictures of cock (which is what I was searching for when I came here).  It is about finding that there there are other people like me.  A community, A community of men like me. Thanks. I have always been in str8 relationships but had the occasional sticky moment with guys. Also, COCK fills my fantasy life. I had a brief relationship with a married couple and was able to make love with the guy and taste his spunk. I was never properly fucked by him (just cockhead into ring, no deeper) and I never fucked him.  I think of him often and wish we had taken the plunge. I wrote the following a while ago: I went with a friend to see a few of the films in the 2004 London Lesbian and Gay Film Festival. They had an effect on me. I laughed and I got aroused and I felt sad and I felt anxiety. There I was in the theatre and I was surrounded by mostly guys and most I knew would be interested in the on-screen sex in more than just an intellectually detached way.  Like me.  So there was also a feeling of belonging too. Certainly, we laughed together as a man. I realised something about myself. I admitted something to myself. I prefer men.  It’s not that I don’t like women, but I am attracted by men first, women second. Fact.  Period. It’s not like “Oh gosh, I never knew”, more about recognising and owning myself, my behaviour, my interests. It’s about desire and possibility and heartbreak, about hope and fear, about self-esteem and self-acceptance. I don’t feel gay, don’t identify with “gay”, don’t want to be associated with “gay”, yet if I prefer my own sex for sex, what choices do I have? Love the site – long may you prosper. – Amar Rama

So you have a problem with the word ”gay”, but you like to have sex with men? …. normally this is where the accusations of hypocrisy and internalized homophobia, and other vapid comments would start assaulting you. But brother, I know exactly how you feel. ”Gay” is a bit of a tainted word, isn’t it? It stems from the words happy/carefree, and coined from the ”dandy” culture of early 20th century, basically demasculated, effeminate rich men who were unable to hide their mannerisms in a world where homosexuality was unacceptable, and even illegal. It was a means to an end – survival. There is just one problem. Not all men who are attracted to other men are effeminate. We have masculine minds, and we walk this world, often with a furrowed brow. Hardly qualifies as ”carefree”. But nontheless people judge us. Being a Man today is one of the most unfashionable things you can be. Women will ridicule you, ”gays” will call you out, lesser men will feel threatened by you. Then we seek companionship and warmth with other men. Beautiful, complex, everyday heroes. We touch each other, smell each other, taste each other, and in that moment no place on his body is taboo. The freedom of kissing, licking, sucking, caressing any part of his body without shame or second thought is one of the most liberating feelings you can achieve. You pleasure each other like only two people with the same body can. And they wanna reduce this to ”gay”?? Skipping down the street like a little girl with a lollipop and a hapless grin on your face? No. It’s time for a new term. After all, we are a verbal species, so labels are inevitable. I like to use the term ”androsexual”, stemming from ”andros”, ”man”. It simply means ”sexually attracted to men”.”, without any cultural connotations whatsoever. Therefore it doesn’t limit you. Peace, and manhugs. Ben

Hello Ben, I love your comments on the original post. It was extraordinary to read that post, because it was me, Amar, who wrote it! And how long ago was that? And what a journey I have been on since then! It has to be above ten years ago, nearer to seventeen I would guess. I cringe somewhat when I read my repudiation of the word, ‘gay’. I agree that it’s an inadequate and inaccurate term for most men who are attracted to, want sex with men. But in the intervening years, I finally embraced the term for myself – I could find no other. Since then I have had lots of joyful, and a little joyless sex with men, no guilt, no shame, no drama. So identifying with the term, ‘gay’ was freeing for me, and served me adequately for maybe nine years. Meanwhile I had become very interested and involved in masculinity, manhood, and making bonds with brothers. The term, ‘gay’ no longer serves me as an identity. I am sexually ‘queer’ and I don’t adopt that as a label, just a way to make my experience intelligible to myself. I love the term ‘androsexual’ as this comes closest to a label that fits. And I love the extended discussions available here. Bless you Ben, bless your body, bless your balls, your arse and your beautiful cock. – Amar Rama