A Pastor in A Baptist Church in the US has ordered older Christian Men to Only Think About Jesus While Masturbating. The church has recently lowered the allowable age of masturbation to 65 for recent widowers. “We really had no choice,” noted a tired and distraught Pastor Deacon Fred. We don’t ignore the parts we don’t like, as the John 3:16 pseudo-Christians do, nor do we add to the Bible, like those Pope-loving Catholics. The new policy is not without its limitations, however. “While the Bible does not outlaw masturbation, it severely restricts the circumstances under which it may occur,” noted Pastor Deacon Fred. The first restriction is that no gentleman will be permitted to reach the stage of ejaculation. “The Bible is very clear that a man’s seed is for copulation only,” noted Pastor. Source
I thoroughly enjoy this site. As a Christian, I hope this site doesn’t follow the path of so many others in mocking – and ultimately attacking – Christians and Christianity. The post above is not legitimate. I grew up in a fundamentalist church in the 60s, 70s and 80s. We were never taught that masturbation was sinful. I actually learned to masturbate at church camp in 1977. Of course it wasn’t part of the camp curriculum … just something the boys did in the shower room at night. (Sort of a “look what I can do” thing.) My Baptist Sunday School teacher in 10th grade told us boys that masturbation was fine as long as it didn’t take over our lives and as long as we did it solo. In college in the 80s my girlfriend found a pamphlet from the 50s called, “Masturbation, God’s Gift.” It was written by a Baptist pastor and praised masturbation as a way to avoid fornication. As I struggled with my sexuality in my adult years and my frequent masturbation, a Methodist pastor told me not to stress and that, even though he was married, he still masturbated. We Christians are human. We struggle with the flesh, as we seek to honor and serve God. Please let this site be a safe place for us too. Tommy Brent
I thoroughly enjoy this site. As a Christian, I hope this site doesn’t follow the path of so many others in mocking – and ultimately attacking – Christians and Christianity. The post above is not legitimate. I grew up in a fundamentalist church in the 60s, 70s and 80s. We were never taught that masturbation was sinful. I actually learned to masturbate at church camp in 1977. Of course it wasn’t part of the camp curriculum … just something the boys did in the shower room at night. (Sort of a “look what I can do” thing.) My Baptist Sunday School teacher in 10th grade told us boys that masturbation was fine as long as it didn’t take over our lives and as long as we did it solo. In college in the 80s my girlfriend found a pamphlet from the 50s called, “Masturbation, God’s Gift.” It was written by a Baptist pastor and praised masturbation as a way to avoid fornication. As I struggled with my sexuality in my adult years and my frequent masturbation, a Methodist pastor told me not to stress and that, even though he was married, he still masturbated. We Christians are human. We struggle with the flesh, as we seek to honor and serve God. Please let this site be a safe place for us too.
I HEAR YOU!
Thank you for this refreshing post Tommy. Peace and love sir.
I was aware of the fictitious nature of that “Christian group”, but, considering the insane times we live in, it’s not all that unusual. The State of Arizona just resurrected an anti abortion law from the 1800’s, in order to control women. That’s no more or less ridiculous than not touching yourself. It seems that with each news cycle we manage to reach a new low. A Baptist church telling its male parishioners such impossible, convoluted rules fits right in with the institutionalized sideshow that dominates the once honorable pillars of our civilization.
Those of us who have the conviction that everything around us was created by an “intelligence” that we humans gave the name “God”, as a way of accepting that everything created was not the work of chance. , and that in all cases it has always been the work of causality. That is to say; that one thing led to another, and that due to time and evolution today we are where we are…
And so as not to get lost in unfathomable musings, everyone; We simplify it through something called “God!”. Who adopted different names, in different places in the world, each with its characteristics from those who worshiped him there. Accepting all this tirade, I have simplified my pleasant relationship with my cock and the gaze of God, in front of my masturbations and I end up concluding that: If God created me with a virile member that is endowed with millions of pleasurable endings, without a doubt he put them for my pleasure, and if I give myself pleasure with my own hand, cannot be frowned upon in the eyes of God, who provided me with this possibility of self-indulgence.
I repeat: If God created me with pleasurable nerve endings in my cock, it cannot be seen as bad for God to give me as many handjobs as he wants. Because he did everything for good, and never for bad. It’s that simple!…
Aquellos que tenemos la convicción de que todo lo que nos rodea fue realizado por una “inteligencia” que nosotros los humanos, le dimos el nombre de “Dios”, como una forma de aceptar, que todo lo creado, no fue obra de una casualidad, y que en todos los casos siempre ha sido obra de una causalidad. Es decir; que una cosa trajo a la otra, y que por el tiempo y la evolución hoy estamos donde estamos…
Y para no perdernos en insondables cavilaciones, ¡todos; lo simplificamos a través de algo denominado “Dios!. El cual adoptó distintos nombres, en los distintos lugares del mundo, cada cual, con sus características de los que allí lo adoraban. Aceptado toda esta perorata, yo he simplificado mi relación placentera con mi verga y la mirada de Dios, frente a mis masturbaciones y termino concluyendo que: Si Dios me creó con un miembro viril que está dotado de millones de terminaciones placenteras, sin dudas que las puso para mi placer, y si yo me brindo placer con mi propia mano, no puede estar mal visto a los ojos de Dios, que me proveyó de esta posibilidad propia de auto complacencia.
Repito: Si Dios me creó con terminaciones nerviosas placenteras en mi verga, mal puede ser visto por Dios que me haga tantas pajas como quiera. Porque él todo lo hizo para bien, y nunca para mal ¡Así de simple!…
The way I think of Jesus will forever be the way Matt Sarratt has depicted him in his painting “The Passion of Christ,” a gorgeous Christ with a huge erection as he kisses Mary Magdalena (?). Seb has a great post on Sarratt. Unfortunately, we can’t access his website at the moment to have another look at this incredibly erotic painting of the human Christ and his impassioned penis. Daddy Dave’s is a pretty close approximation, though! Passionate, Christ-like cock, Daddy! I believe in a human Christ, not a made-up, fictional one.
Thank You, AJ. I know Matt is a reader of the site, so I hope his site is back soon.
While the bible does not outlaw masturbation growing up Catholic, self gratification was not welcomed but taboo.
There was an Aurora of shamefulness and sin attached. Needless to say my penances would never have ended.
It’s always very difficult to know what to do as a Christian when everything is painted as sin
Sounds like a pretty stupid thing to have a church policy. Maybe they should spend their time feeding the hungry and housing the homeless.
Please do not take that supposed note about “Christian” masturbation belief seriously. It’s from the Landover Baptist Church, which is a fictitious organization, invented to mock certain Christian beliefs. Were you to follow the link to the source, click on the red ink “Source” at end of the quote, and then do a search for the Landover Baptist Church, there you will read the truth of its origin. If we all know this is spoof, then fine; alas, there are plenty of obnoxious activities among some sects of Christians to concern us. This isn’t one of them.
But these Baptists aren’t reading the Bible. Ecclesiastes 9:10 is very clear “Whatever your hand falls to, do with all thy might”. Seems obvious to me and I’m doing it right now.
I have a fantasy of submitting myself entirely to the pleasures of an older man. By that I mean that he would use my bady for his own pleasure, without need to please me. My pleasure would be in watching him please himself doing to me or having me do to him whatever he desired. If he wants to be the top or bottom, it is his desire that matters. If he wants me to suck his cock or to suck mine, so be it. If he wants to engage in more kinky behavior, I am his to use. To submit to him completely as he wishes would be so fulfilling,
Agreed Dave, but then your cock looks juicy!