The gay scene may work for some, but it’s not a requirement for a full and fulfilling life. You have the power to build connections that are genuine and affirming, on your terms. And when you stay true to what feels right for you, you’re bound to find the spaces—and people—that truly reflect your spirit. Social pressure to “fit in” or “let loose” can make it easy to get swept into habits that don’t serve your long-term well-being. Remember, your worth isn’t tied to how much you party or who you impress. If you’re finding that the scene is more about numbing or avoiding personal challenges than it is about joy and connection, it might be time to take a step back. The gay scene can sometimes encourage behaviors that are emotionally harmful. It’s important to remain vigilant about protecting your emotional and physical health. Some spaces can be hypersexualized or full of superficial interactions, which can make it hard to develop deep, meaningful connections. You might encounter people who exploit vulnerability or use manipulation in relationships, and it’s crucial to keep an open line to your intuition and values. Surround yourself with people who celebrate you for who you are, not for how you conform to the scene’s standards. Take pride in knowing that your sexuality is yours to define, and you get to decide how and where to express it. Ultimately, it’s all about staying connected to your true self. If you’re questioning whether the gay scene, as it’s traditionally known, is the right fit for you—trust that intuition. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for deciding to steer clear of certain environments, nor do you need to apologize for making choices that support your well-being. There’s no one way to be gay, no one path to belonging, and no scene that holds the secret to your HaPenis.
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I don’t think I have read anything here that I agree with more. My word of thanks.
I was young once, but far back in the closet. 50 years later, I’m old and still looking out the closet door. I envy men of all ages who find what they want and need, and experience their best.
Unable to sleep, I just find this at exactly the right moment, thank you.
So true in its entirety, it arrives at a point of deep and fundamental questioning.
First of all, very beautiful paintings shown above, powerfully erotic in different ways. Different pathways to dreaming of loving a man, which is what the message is urging us to follow. I endorse what is being said here 100%.
But this statement is not addressed to all of us, because some of us are constrained in ways that defy the solutions being proposed here. I, for one, could certainly have chosen the “the gay scene” if I had wanted to and probably have enjoyed it. I opted for a semi-secret, bisexual, two dimensional life without a label. But I could have gone either way, straight/gay, secret/open, easily, and still can. Well, not the secret part anymore.
But for the 66 year old man I had sex with just this afternoon, the hope that “when you stay true to what feels right for you, you’re bound to find the spaces—and people—that truly reflect your spirit,” would sound utterly simplistic and unreal. This is a man who discovered, at the age of 16, that he was attracted to men, particularly men who cross-dress. What his adventures at that time with men entailed, I’ll find out in due course. But he proceeded to marry women, twice, have children, get divorced, twice, then form a third relationship in which he thought he had fixed all of the problems he had caused in this first two relationships, when one day, during an ad break in the television program they were watching, his third wife announced that she was leaving him for another man. He asked her to take a week to consider. She decided to go. He said it almost killed him.
Now he’s married, happily, for a fourth time. When he feels like cock, he tries to find someone he can both talk to about European history, which is his hobby, and have good man sex with. He says, “I know that inside me I need men, but I have fantastic sex with my wife,and it’s only from time to time that I need cock.” It It was clear to me that he is desperate for his fourth marriage to a woman, who he says is perfect, to work. But when he needs cock he needs cock. And he is alone, called me, statistically speaking, the .0i% percent of men he feels he can both have an intellectual conversation as well as sex as well as share his life experiences with. “And when you stay true to what feels right for you, you’re bound to find the spaces—and people—that truly reflect your spirit.” Mmmm, not so easy for everyone to do that.
All I want to point out here is that a passage like “Take pride in knowing that your sexuality is yours to define, and you get to decide how and where to express it. Ultimately, it’s all about staying connected to your true self,” is most certainly good advice for some. But it doesn’t begin to describe the challenges that my friend of this afternoon has had to confront in order to stay true to himself as a man. I don’t see a painting above that captures the kind of man my friend is. “There is no one path to belonging.” So true. No one path to HaPenis.
Hey AJ,
I find myself thinking that he is very true to himself, his fourth perfect wife who he has great sex with, and having met you, someone capable of fulfilling his mansex needs, quite well by the sound of it. He has had many opportunities to jump the fence between marriages and take an easier road (perhaps) to mansex and fully homoscene, instead staying true to his values and himself and his spirit. It is not easy but then neither are any of the alternatives and nobody said that it was going to be easy.
I too pass in gay and straight worlds having raised my son alone and the need to traverse both worlds which that came with. It hasn’t been easy but after he left home, the lure of the scene entrenched in itself wasn’t that attractive. I still find great difficulty finding the multidimensional lover I crave. Nobody said it would be easy and would I find satisfaction with many fucks from the self-interested merry go round that presents itself….. maybe once or twice but it sure is not my lifestyle.
Your friend is very fortunate to have found you, value him for the self knowledge he clearly comes armed with.
Stephen, I think this is spot on. Thank you, both for your insight and for the beautiful way you put things. This guy and I have chatted a lot but only just met for the first time, so there’s a lot we don’t know about each other. He’s also dealing with getting older, having an old man’s cock, etc. He needs someone to talk to not just have sex with. Same goes for me! He’s not, to borrow your wonderful phrase, “the multidimensional lover I crave,” still, at my age of 79! But I think we will give each other a lot of what we are both looking for. Like some wise man around here keeps saying, it’s a journey! And I agree with you, please God save me from “the merry go round that presents itself!”