Dear John

I’ve been looking at your site for some years now and am not getting any younger (74). My last sexual experience was back in the nineties and I haven’t had an intimate encounter since then. I get a lot of inspiration from your site which can help with my occasional solo efforts but, never having been that sexually active, I have kept myself to myself, live alone and only have a few friends. I now find that I’m extremely apprehensive about writing this message to you and confess that is a great effort (will I press the ‘send’ button at the end?!! – The reason I am writing now is that I’m having great trouble sleeping properly and I’m wondering if this is at all attributable to my sexual frustration. Of course I’m gay and, being older, this really makes things a lot worse. Older people are simply not supposed to be gay! – I do believe this message will get a sympathetic reading and look forward to hearing whether you might be able to advise. Thanks, John

Dear John, I am 70 years old and it warmed my heart to read your message. As we get older in many ways we become invisible, certainly we are not expected to be sexual. I live a life of sexual spirituality and now have many young LGBT friends who treat me like a wise elder, I am happy for their youth but even they see me as ‘past it’ in terms of being capable of intimacy. I too wish for people my own age who have the maturity and honesty to share the pleasures of life still. I wish you well and hope that you find the intimate companionship that I know is out there somewhere if only we could be more open to it. – Ciaran