I identify as straight, am married to a woman but know that I am sexually curious about other men’s bodies. I regularly meet online with other men to have sexual conversations and masturbate together. Watching other men enjoy their bodies and react to my action to arouse them and me is a huge privilege. It has increased my confidence and has sparked a different journey of sexual expression. The next step is a big one, to be naked with another man in the same room. I am naturally risk averse, but know I need to learn more and face my fears. My desire to touch and taste another man’s body grows stronger as I become older. Help to keep myself safe would be valuable advice that I hope can emerge from my interactions on this site in time. – David
Artist : Williams Roberts – Pastors Pleasure ( On The Lawn ) circa 1945
I really understand your situation. Although I’ve always known I was gay, I’ve been married to a woman for many years, with kids and grandkids. The longing to connect sexually with another man became stronger as the years went by and about 18 months ago I began to have sexual relationships with other men. I felt like I had come home to my true self. However, it hasn’t been easy. I’ve had to reassess my sense of self and my identity, and deal with the sense of loss that suppressing this core side of myself for so long has brought. It hasn’t been easy and I feel like I’ve opened Pandora’s box. However, I have no regrets. Here are the things I’ve learned: Act in accordance with your values, and be true to your sense of personal integrity. In my experience the online gay world can be a battlefield. If you feel the need to share this journey with your wife, ask yourself what your motivation is. Only you can know this, but any disclosure can have life changing consequences. Do you want this? – As others have said, be safe and take precautions. Don’t be pressured into abandoning these if they make you feel safe. Find someone you trust who can walk with you through this journey. I have found this support to be invaluable. And finally, sometimes there are no right or wrong answers, you’re simply making the best of the situation you’re in. Don’t beat yourself up. I hope these thoughts are helpful. Wishing you all the best. – Ruben
Art By DannyBoy Studio
David,
The advice already given here is truly awesome, and given with love and understanding, so please feel confident to follow it.*
I had some experience of sex with friend before puberty, and as a teen with a teacher, and then completely avoided any hint of intimacy with other men until my sixties, when I had the opportunity and my desire became overwhelming. It makes me very happy, sometimes euphoric to meet and make friends with men that I can be open with about our sexual desires.
I have met plenty of men who also, often after their marriage and work pressures declined, could no longer deny a part of ourselves that yearned for sexual intimacy men. Masturbation and chatting online are a gift we never imagined we would have, and have opened the opportunity to discover the depth and pleasure of our sexual desires. We can now let those desires take shape in our lives, and I am fuller, richer and happier as that desire and pleasure and intimacy fine a place in my life and complete a part of me that had been shunned for so long.
*The one element I would elaborate on is how to successfully ride the waves of power dynamics and our own motivations,. This is not unique to male intimacy but may be amplified and can be confusing. The greatest gift I have experienced in this journey has been allowing my true feelings to emerge, and I’m privileged and honored (after some searching) to have found men who allow me to have those feelings, as they truly are, at any moment.
Thank you Jack for your advice. I hope my time will come too one day.
Mansex is great. Nothing to be ashamed of.
Ii have been bisexual, Gay and straight over the years and I tell ya, labels tend you changed depending on the era & what country you live in.. So.. play safe and enjoy your cock while you can still get ihard. Ia healthy relationship to our bodies and its functions are a gift from God. Cheers Fellas.
-Mike
Thanks Mike for your words of advice. Love the photo too! Hope it’s you!
Get on PrEP and play with those on PrEP. Try and pick guys who are clean and well groomed. Avoid drug users. It’s a good idea to have a few online chats sessions first and perhaps meet in person at a public place. Always ask if the picture they show is CURRENT. People who on, gay men’s sites who don’t fill out the whole profile are usually not good choices.
Surely being on PrEP does not protect you from all the many other diseases spread sexually?
Good luck on your journey, David!
I really understand your situation. Although I’ve always known I was gay, I’ve been married to a woman for many years, with kids and grandkids.
The longing to connect sexually with another man became stronger as the years went by and about 18 months ago I began to have sexual relationships with other men. I felt like I had come home to my true self.
However, it hasn’t been easy. I’ve had to reassess my sense of self and my identity, and deal with the sense of loss that suppressing this core side of myself for so long has brought. It hasn’t been easy and I feel like I’ve opened Pandora’s box. However, I have no regrets.
Here are the things I’ve learned:
Act in accordance with your values, and be true to your sense of personal integrity. In my experience the online gay world can be a battlefield.
If you feel the need to share this journey with your wife, ask yourself what your motivation is. Only you can know this, but any disclosure can have life changing consequences. Do you want this?
As others have said, be safe and take precautions. Don’t be pressured into abandoning these if they make you feel safe.
Find someone you trust who can walk with you through this journey. I have found this support to be invaluable.
And finally, sometimes there are no right or wrong answers, you’re simply making the best of the situation you’re in. Don’t beat yourself up.
I hope these thoughts are helpful. Wishing you all the best.
It’s about making connections with men in your life situation/ your the only person that can protect your wife and kids from getting hurt / staying in your lane with men like yourself can be a positive friendships only adding not subtracting
Thank you Jay. Great advice.
Hi David
I did what Bob said and had an incredible time with an older guy with a thick 8 inches
I was just going to meet for a cuppa and a chat
However he opened the door naked and I couldn’t control myself and yet it felt so natural and comfortable and what I wanted
Ever since though have been doing what hari said and haven’t met anyone in person since as I have realised everything that comes with doing what I did and have so like you been Skype wanking which is also great and wouldn’t mind meeting you online (!)
So all that has been said is useful but at the end of the day be safe take precautions and enjoy what you do
Mike
David, your honesty and self-awareness are commendable as you explore this aspect of your sexuality. It’s important to approach this journey with care, both for your well-being and the well-being of those around you. Here’s some advice to help you navigate this path:
1. Reflect on Your Feelings:
Understanding Your Desires: It’s vital to continue reflecting on your feelings and what they mean to you. Are you looking for emotional connection, physical pleasure, or both? Understanding this can help you make informed decisions.
Impact on Your Marriage: Consider the implications of your desires on your marriage. If you haven’t already, think about how this exploration might affect your relationship with your wife. Open and honest communication is key, even if it’s a challenging conversation.
2. Safety and Boundaries:
Set Clear Boundaries: Before meeting another man in person, establish clear boundaries for yourself. What are you comfortable with? What are your limits? Being clear on these can help you stay safe and feel more in control.
Safety Precautions: When meeting someone in person, prioritize your safety. Meet in a neutral, safe environment, inform someone you trust about your plans, and always use protection to safeguard against STIs.
3. Consider the Emotional Impact:
Emotional Preparedness: Be prepared for the emotional responses that may arise from being intimate with another man. It could be a powerful experience, and it’s important to be ready for any feelings of confusion, guilt, or unexpected emotions.
Support Systems: Having someone to talk to—whether it’s a therapist, a support group, or a trusted friend—can be invaluable as you navigate these experiences.
4. Communication with Your Wife:
Transparency: If you haven’t already discussed your feelings with your wife, consider how and when you might approach this conversation. Being transparent, even if it’s difficult, can be crucial to maintaining trust in your relationship.
Respect Her Feelings: Understand that this may be challenging for her as well, and be prepared for a range of responses. Her feelings and boundaries are just as important as your own.
5. Take It Slow:
Pace Yourself: There’s no rush. It’s okay to take things slowly, exploring your desires at a pace that feels comfortable for you. Each step is significant, and there’s value in allowing yourself time to process each new experience.
6. Seek Professional Guidance:
Therapeutic Support: If you’re struggling with how to balance these desires with your marriage or if you’re uncertain about how to proceed, consider seeking the help of a therapist, particularly one who specializes in sexuality or relationships. They can offer guidance tailored to your specific situation.
7. Engage with Supportive Communities:
Online Communities: Engage with communities where you feel safe and understood. Sharing experiences and advice with others who have been through similar journeys can be very helpful.
Learning and Growth: Use these interactions as opportunities to learn more about yourself and what you want out of these experiences.
Your curiosity and desire to explore are valid, but it’s essential to proceed in a way that’s respectful to yourself, your wife, and others involved. Taking steps to ensure that your exploration is safe and consensual will allow you to continue this journey in a way that’s fulfilling and responsible.
Hari,
Such wise and clear advice….. useful for all men in similar situations.
Number 4 in particular jumped out at me as I have recently seen how difficult the Transparent conversation with respect can be. If left until after you have tried it and then ‘know’ that it is something you need to keep in your life, the conversation will be very much more difficult. No matter how faithful your feelings for your wife, women feel any infidelity is betrayal. Perhaps be prepared for any online masturbation to be viewed also as emotional infidelity, despite the safety of only being online.
And David,
It’s very honest to acknowledge the fear of the risks, but don’t let that fear get in the way of your strong desires. Listen to those and take the fear along with you and keep it to the side, that is your own safety check. Never do something you don’t want to.
Sex between men is so understanding and bonding as men. You have probably found some of that online but in person I think it is better, 2 men making themselves totally sexually vulnerable together. I am sure you will enjoy the experience. Best wishes
Don’t over think it all. Just act on your gut feelings, let that be your guide. Take it slow and overcome your fears, mostly imagined I would say.
Just you wait until you explore another man’s body! You won’t stop there