The Cock Lover I Am

I had a hard time accepting my homosexuality. I married a woman twenty years ago. At the time I thought I was bisexual, although she didn’t know it. But over the past 5 years or so, I’ve come to realize that I’m a homosexual. I only masturbate to men, my only fantasies are men, even when I have sex with my wife. I started watching gay porn a few years ago and I had never been so turned on. I also sucked a few cocks in college, but I thought I was just experimenting. But it wasn’t. I loved sucking cock. Homosexuality wasn’t as accepted at the time(late 80’s). During college, I did have several girl friends that questioned my sexuality. I would always pretend to get offended. In reality I was relieved that they might know. I even had a friend that told me “ I know you’re gay.” I asked her how she knew. She said there’s something about the way you act when hot guys are around!! Finally in my late 40’s I began to accept the cock lover I am. I have embraced my love for the masculine! As of now, my wife still doesn’t know, but I think she suspects. I’m hoping to soon open up to her. – Shane

Hey brother, it’s up to you to decide when to come out to your wife. Although, I would advice you to do so sooner rather than late. Time is wasting, both yours, and hers. You may expect there to be hurt feelings and bruised egos. Some women don’t take that kind of news well, and internalize it and think that she ”made you gay”. She may be mad at you for wasting her youth by not coming out sooner, etc. Whatever happens, you must ride it out, and see it through. It will be tough, but you can do it. You may feel bad for her, understand her… but you can’t sacrifice your whole life and happiness for her, or you will grow into a sad, impotent shadow of a man. Don’t settle for the comfort of the known, but instead embrace the unknown. You stand on the cusp of a life of freedom, and maybe even a second ”puberty” of sorts. When a man takes that step and starts leading the life he’s always been meant for, it’s a profound experience. One that I share. It wasn’t until I fully embraced my homosexuality that I finally felt like a real man. And remember, you are no less of a man for being homo. You are more. Good luck, bro. – Ben

Wow – this thread rings so true to me. I’ve been married for 36 years and still am – happily. And while I love her I also love homosexuality even though I don’t engage in it. While I understand comments telling Shane to embrace homosexuality and move on, I’m not convinced that is the best advice for all men like me/us. I’m on this site daily, which exposes my level of interest in male homosexuality, I bate only to homosexuality, but I’m also comfortable remaining committed to my wife and our relationship. If the world was perfect I’d have the best of both – remaining in my marriage and having homosexual sex outside the marriage (or better yet shared within!). But life is full of compromise and as long as I get to fantasize about being in a room full of naked men who all want their cocks sucked, I’m as happy as anyone can reasonably hope to be! – Phalluster