In his book “The Adventure: A Practical Guide to Spiritual Awakening”, Steve Taylor recommends the practice which he has termed “radical friendliness”. When waiting in a line at a shop or train station, Steve encourages the making of a friendly remark to the person next to you, or starting a conversation with a taxi-driver, fellow passenger at the airport, or the clerk or waiter who serves you. In this way, Steve encourages us to build a network of connections each day and create ripples of goodwill which strengthen as they spread. On The HaPenis Project, I have noted many comments from men eager to develop relationships with other men, whether friendships, bromances or sexual encounters. Perhaps committing to radical friendship would be the way to start, with members of the HaPenis community endeavouring to offer those first words of greeting, friendly nod, welcoming smile or gentle touch to the men we encounter each day. Who knows what bonds of friendship may emerge and where those bonds might lead? – Hugh Braceland
I find being friendly to myself radical indeed. I have been mentally disordered and defined by the affects of my hurt moments from years ago.
I have an elder whom I trust and we are in a mutual trusting experience of affection and intimacy. We are outcasts of society due to our behavioural choices, and this can make us feel the double shame of being intimate but not kindly accepted due to demographic factors.
So, relating to radical friendliness, I concur that being outwardly kind is a brave action because it risks being rejected for being myself. The irony of rejection is no social rejection creates personal rejection long term. So radical friendliness starts with self friendliness, for me.
Thank you to the curators and contributors to this website. I have spent hours each day lost in thought loops about self help, now just if I was to (be more masculine, be more outward, be more not me, be more competitive and yang and dominant, be more strong in my attitude) then I can heal my social wound.
Rather, I am a man with a history of failures, lost opportunities, unkind behaviours, addictive tendencies, inappropriate choices, and passive aggressive angry actions.
But I am also a man characterised by the personality dispositions in living legacies of my ancestors, my family I am privileged to live with now, the kind people in the community who check in on even if energetically.
There are words, sounds, gestures, ways for my innate care to show.
First I need to destigmatise caring for myself into caring for my hurt personas in my internal human self profile.
For men in Australia with relationship concerns and difficulties like me, the phone line of 1300 789 978 is available any time. I personally have used this counselling phone line to discuss my issues.
As AJ comments, loving yourself and sharing that feeling with someone else enhances the fulfilment of both yourself and the other person. When I give or share with someone, I feel and benefit from the act myself first. When I give a friend a present, I feel the pleasure of giving, before my friend experiences the joy of receiving. When I smile at someone, I feel the smile rising within me, before the other person sees and responds to the smile on my face. When I express my love, I sense my own loving being, before the other hears my words and discerns my affection. The same can be applied to sex. When I am aroused, I feel the excitement and my erection growing, before my partner observes the hardening of my penis. When I reach the point of climax, I experience the heightening and release of my orgasm, before my partner feels my ejaculation. As such, giving and sharing does not diminish a person. Rather, the person giving actually receives and benefits first and, potentially, more.
I love this message and thread so much.I would welcome making new friends and expand my radical friendliness with other men.
Thank you Hugh, André, Mark W, and Tim. I think this is one of the most important messages on this site, one that many others have voiced in other postings. Self-esteem, feeling manly as we look at ourselves in the mirror, loving our own cocks, etc., all of that is crucial to HaPenis. But it’s a dead end if you don’t reach out and form a relationship with another man, be it for an hour, be it for a lifetime. Loving yourself, feeling the God in yourself, is truly fulfilling, maybe ONLY fulfilling, when you share that feeling with someone else in order to enhance his self-esteem and thereby his ability to love you in return. We need others to love us as well as to love ourselves.
I met guys in queues at the cinema, at the lighthouse and even walking around the city center… With some I even had sex, others I kissed and caressed and with the majority, a beautiful and fruitful conversation…
There are also friendships in the gym showers… It’s fun to have sex with guys in these environments, because we’re already naked and an erection is the green light for invitations to the shower
I can relate. In my younger wilder days, friends teased me about being so bold.
Once flagged over to stop a street cleaner truck with the hottest shorts-no-shirt operator. He stopped for me.
He smiled and appreciated the compliment as I handed him my number.
I also was shorts only and very fit.
Later I learned he was well known in that town and was perceived as straight. A man comfortable with himself will easily take a compliment at the very least brothers. At the mall I stepped alongside a fine gym fit Italian dude I had seen walk by and check me out in the way guys do. Comparing. Gave him my number. Did NOT expect to hear from this guy! It was days or a week or two later when he phoned.
We met several times and had hot fun. I was 24 or so.
HaPenis to all.
My spouse often accuses me of striking up conversations with perfect strangers. One couple in DC we meet at a museum, later that night ran into them at the opera.and ended up having dinner together afterwards.
Next morning encountered him in the hotel gym. We had seen and talked enough that we sensed our gayness and ended up getting off together on the showers. All from a casual conversation. For the last 20+ years have vacationed together every couple of years. One cruise we shared nearly wore both of us out. Haha!
Thanks for the story, Mark. Great example of a casual conversation developing into a much deeper and more meaningful connection. I hope you and your friend continue to enjoy each other in the years ahead: physically and emotionally.
Hello Hugh,
Love your article about radical relations always wondered about how I got started into these relations and you defined them perfectly… As a curious student a few blocks away from my house waiting for the bus started to chat with a man who noticed me look into his car window…. he could tell… more experienced …. all he had to say was hello…. chatted for 10mins at most exchanged numbers and before we knew it he hosted me and introduced me to loving dads…. years later at a funeral viewing I noticed two beautiful mature men walk in together… they sat together throughout the whole visitation…. struck conversation outside exchanged numbers and was introduced to threesomes that lasted over 5 years….
Love your way
Thanks for the comments and sharing your experiences, Tim. Since writing this post, I have been making an extra effort to practise radical friendliness myself. Hopefully, one day I might get the sort of lucky breaks that you have enjoyed. Best of luck!