I’m now 40 and have been having the same problem for all my live. I can’t tell about you for sure but it has probably nothing to do with blood circulation (at your age, very unlikely) but with anxiety and sensitivity. For example, I get rock hard when I’m fully relaxed and masturbating alone or if I’m totally comfortable with my sex partner. It can be very tricky in a world that is so cold with people expecting you to be some kind of fucking machine coming out of a porn and when you want to do it in an “hostile” environment like cruising areas, saunas, etc. Also I noticed that with some men, even if I see them 10 times, I’ll never get hard and with some others, it works the first time. You click or you don’t and some people seem to be psychologically “castrating” in some way. Unfortunately, I’d say that you have to learn coping with it, benzos (anti-anxiety pills) don’t make it better and are a nightmare in the long run, pot opens imagination and sex drive but can worsen anxiety, alcohol is a road leading to flat dick and addiction. I’m sure a lot of gay men go bottom because it’s easier this way if you know what I mean. Personally, I feel alright about it now. I find my sex partners on the Internet and have them coming to my house, a place I am comfortable in and I tend to have long term fuck buddies because the more i know them the more I am at ease with them. One of the key is accepting that we are humans with emotions and sensitivity, that life is not a cheap porn and that you don’t have to be like everybody around. I hope it will get better for you and you’ll find your way. Good luck ! – Lovedreamer
I also get performance anxiety but for me it’s with someone that I’m close to. I fear that I’m going to let them down. In my case, my failure is in my inability to orgasm. The more I fixate on it the more difficult it become for me to finish. This is both ongoing and extremely frustrating. In contrast I find things easier in one time, random hookups. I guess I reason that if something goes wrong during a random hook up I’ll never see that person again. There might be a brief awkward moment but that’s it. I think that takes the pressure off me and allows me to get off. In intimate relationships I’m the opposite of a premature ejaculator. Very frustrating. – JoE
What a wonderful post! It certainly echoes self-doubts I’ve had over the years. Even though I’m 79, some partners that I know well and am comfortable with enable me to “perform” like I was 18 – including multiple orgasms. IMHO, sex is always better with some romantic attraction in the mix.
I weigh 152 and go to gym regularly. I admire Bill who can perform like he was 18. I’m 72 now. And get semi erections. a full and bouncy penis but never totally hard. I can bend it somewhat and can usually get a small juice. It hasn’t gotten super hard for the last dozen or so years
This guy looks like Alex Castro (Militia, American Gladiators); if it is… I’ve always liked him
Anyone ever see a sex therapist?
Hi there,
In response to what you’ve posted, I have been through those situations also. I’m now 51 and the sex part is not a big issue for me anymore. I live in the mountains and been alone for the past 13 years (6 yrs. of that, in prison.) Yeah so I’ve tried getting together with someone in hostile situation, I stay flaccid. I mean, I wanna cum too!
I take anti depressants so I think that’s a factor. My doc gave me the blue pills but haven’t used them. I jack off alone and I’m ok with that. I also wish I had a partner whom we can share these lovely moments, it’s yet to happen. The nearest town is 40 miles away. I’m Native American and I like men from other ethnicity.
I’ve learned to cope.
Yours,
Andi
I also get performance anxiety but for me it’s with someone that I’m close to. I fear that I’m going to let them down. In my case, my failure is in my inability to orgasm. The more I fixate on it the more difficult it become for me to finish. This is both ongoing and extremely frustrating. In contrast I find things easier in one time, random hookups. I guess I reason that if something goes wrong during a random hook up I’ll never see that person again. There might be a brief awkward moment but that’s it. I think that takes the pressure off me and allows me to get off. In intimate relationships I’m the opposite of a premature ejaculator. Very frustrating.
Excellent.. thank You for sharing.
I love honesty.
I agree, very well written
Thank you for this post. Happy to know it’s not only happening to me. I was in a very long term relationship that ended several years ago. I never had an issue with getting or maintaining an erection. When I’m alone and left to my own devices there’s no issue. I can masturbate 3 or 4 times a day. I’m on dating sites and I get several offers to connect. I’m sure guys think I’m not interested or feel rejected or ‘ghosted’ if I don’t respond or accept offers… when it’s my fear of not performing that holds me back. Oddly enough, when we chat and the conversation becomes sexual, I’m very turned on and it can progress to sexting. When there’s an invite to meet ‘live’ I find excuses not to meet. It’s very frustrating.
I feel you have reached into my very soul and understand me totally. I can stay rock hard wanking watching porn but get performance anxiety. I can perform on the spur of the moment but I rarely meet guys in case that soft bit in the middle happens. Also I advertise as bottom to be on the safe side. Thank you for making me feel I’m not alone
I appreciated your post. At 70, I can still get really hard. Sometimes though, if I meet a man to play be it the park, ABS, theater etc, I have no problem getting and staying hard. Cumming is my problem. Sometimes the guy can get me to cum pretty quickly. Most times though, they give up. I suck several men, staying hard, but getting off myself is near impossible. I get home, and still hard can stroke myself off to a nice orgasm and a nice load. I’m not sure what it is, but I’m considering topping, see if that help
I had an amazing experience with a straight man
Putting my hand down his trousers and inside his underwear his cock was slack for a mini second , instantly semi floppy another second hard as a rock that’s all it was ready for sex in an instant ,
Amazing I loved it 😍