i need relief! every day is the constant battle with what i want.. and what i believe is right. In less than a month i will be an 19yr old with a deep secret. im afraid im gay…i have had a girlfriend for 18 months now and i cant connect with her. being raised a christian and still being one, i am so confused.. stretched.. lost… i dont know what to do, or where im at? i live in south brisbane australia and need answers. as all this is the biggest secret of my entire life, i keep discreet. plz help. Mitch
Hey Mitch. ”When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” — 1 Corinthians 13:11, King James Version. Buddy I’m afraid there’s no one who can help you, but you. homosexuality is as old as the human race. It’s a part of our species and it’s something you were born with. That being said, the only thing that’s wrong with you is your misguided beliefs. The only way for you to be happy is to accept this part of yourself. Accept it, absorb it, learn to love it, and as a result live your life to the fullest. If there are any words of Christ you should glum onto right now, it’s ”you reap what you sow”. If you sow unhappiness, you will be unhappy. If you sow doubt and fear, you will live a life of doubt and fear, yes? So shed them. Relish in your passions. Love and be loved. Love another man. Love several other men, if you want. Pray to your Lord, not for forgiveness, but for happiness and fulfillment. And when you one day die and stand before Him, you can hold you head high and say you lived your life to the fullest. You were a good man, a kind man, to the very best of your ability. And then you thank Him for the wonderful life that he bestowed on you. So, is it time for you to put away childish things, and become a man? – Ben
In this life we are answerable to only ourselves. live your life for you. do what makes you happy. in many years to come you will know you made the right decision. its hard when you think how family may react but even if they react badly you are still family they will understand in time. Remember, there is nowhere in the bible where it says homosexuality is wrong..only interpretations people put on it. you go mitch. i really do wish you all the best, i have been there myself you will get through it a stronger and better person..honest. – dave keeton
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I hope this finds you well,
I grew up in a household much like yours and come from a similar background so I completely empathize with what you’re going through. Though I was never really fortunate enough to intimately connect with girls in my youth, I’m convinced I was born heterosexual, or overwhelmingly heterosexual. My homosexual tendencies were quite latent(appearing around the age of 13). I’m 23, almost 24 now, my father is very conservative christian, was raised in the environment back in the 60’s (I’m more of a libertarian) , I came out somewhat prematurely while I was in Army Basic Training, he did NOT and still does not receive it well. I was raised to be a christian and had a lot of internalized, repressed homophobia in my youth, and have spent several years now trying to reconcile my spiritual beliefs with my carnal desires. I’ve learned several things;
1. not all christians respond to our lifestyle with vitriol,
2. just because the church (an institution comprised of other humans with their own faults, biases, egos) claims to “Know and god, and that he speaks through them” does not mean they actually do,
3. As others here have pointed out, the text that formed the modern interpretation of scripture have been skewed throughout history through miss translation/transcription, many would agree the Bible is a good source of information, but just like everything else in the world it will never give a full picture of the past, of how Jesus Christ himself actually felt and by extension the lord. The lord is unknowable and incomprehensible to the human mind, but we’re supposed to know for certain that he experiences baser human emotions like disgust and pain at the sight of his children loving each other unconventionally?
4. Your parents and family are their own human beings and choose their own fate and path just as you choose yours, do not allow yourself to be made to feel guilty about embracing your own path, your own autonomy, agency, and independent free will. Do not be scared, or guilt tripped into feeling that you have to live your life for the sake of others. Our predecessors choosing to allow themselves to be bothered by our choices and actions, is their problem, it’s their CHOICE. Live your life the way you want to and let it be true, DO NOT LIVE A LIE for the sake of others, lying to one’s own self, in my opinion, is a greater sin a man can commit than homosexuality.
5. Initially in my adolescence when I confronted these feelings I was quite confused because I did and still do feel my self being attracted to women, but now I was also questioning if I was gay because I liked cocks? Well I arrived at a simple conclusion, I’m just bi.
Perhaps in this conflict you feel you haven’t been able to connect with your significant other due to your anxiety over it all, have you given yourself the option that you may potentially be bisexual?
Yale professor John Boswell wrote multiple books on our history.
Same sex unions in premodern Europe being one of them.
He had “unprecedented” access the the Vatican archives ( why exactly are the Vatican archives kept top secret??) for his research and learned the Catholic church once blessed same sex unions, that there are same sex saint couples and more. Ultimately as so many brothers here have pointed out, the bible and scripture translations are not and never were accurate.
We are all God-like, made in his image and devine.
Mitch, open your Bible and look for the condemnations of homosexuality coming from the lips of Jesus. Take your time, but you won’t find any.
Fear not and admit first to yourself, then your girlfriend. then your family and friends that you are gay and intend to live and be happy with yourself.
Go get em Tiger!
A question of translation too. Malakos simply means soft; one has to be familiar with the prevailing ideology at the time that luxury made men weak to understand. The KJV translates malakoi as effeminate. Later translations, from the 19th century on, use homosexual, though no one from Christ’s time would associate same-sex eros with being effeminate; quite the opposite, in fact. (Though bottoms were still considered effeminate; the ideal homosexuality in antiquity was non-penetrative, though a Roman could penetrate his slaves.)
In fact, the word homosexual only entered the German language in 1859 and English in 1871! Pathologizing male eros.
Hi Mitch, I can understand your gay secret,i suggest you get in touch with your local (MCC) Metropolitan Community Church and have a talk . It is OK to be a christian and gay as i am, and Jesus does not discriminate its only the main line christian churches . Have a look at this web site and listen to the first 3 minute video wouldjesusdiscriminate.com and also the sydney MCC website is
https://www.mccsydney.org/
Best Wishes,
Mitch, Just relax. You have plenty of time to figure this out. You do not have to decide–just explore and be open to the possibility of what is right for you. You will or probably already know in you heart. It is okay to be gay and there is help out there I am sure even downunder. Look for a gay and lesbian youth group for support and for help about coming out if you decide to do so..
It has been my experience that very few straight women are happy to share their gay boyfriends with their gay boyfriends. Unfortunately, this requires you to make a choice. Since your preferences are gay, how have you ever been involved with a woman for such a long time (18 months)? Is she satisfied to have so little of your life and so little of your concern? If your answer is no… that you’re getting some flak from your inattention to her needs, then you need to start to set your life to rights. I consider myself to be a devout Christian, and I was married heterosexually long enough to father two children, and to adopt another. Eventually, it became clear that our marriage wasn’t going to work. We divorced, which I’m sure wasn’t pleasing to God, but all of my children preferred to live with me. I was the better parent, my ex-wife knew it, and I knew it. I just bought a bigger apartment. My youngest is 43, my oldest, 50. It has worked out for all concerned, though I haven’t heard my ex-wife’s opinion in some years (thank God!). If you’re worried about how God will judge you, imagine how he’ll judge you if you make the remainder of your life miserable, and the remainder of your girlfriend’s life miserable, as well. And you have to consider the happiness of children that may come along as well. I promise that you can be profoundly happy, and Godly, loving your boyfriend and doing together what the two of you enjoy…