Under Pressure

Perhaps encouraged by the growing gay culture, I detect an increasing pressure for homosexual and bisexual men to “come out”. But I suggest that “coming out” is not always necessary nor desirable. So much depends on a man’s personal circumstances, preferences and responsibilities. Especially for men who may be married, keeping their secret “in the closet” may be the best option for themselves, their wives and families. Both married and single men may be totally content with secrecy, while enjoying their hidden world of sexual thoughts, fantasies, masturbation and/or liaisons. Rather, the important point is for each man to be honest with himself about his sexual attractions and need for sexual expression. After weighing up the benefits and drawbacks, each man is entitled to make his own informed decision about whether divulging or keeping his secret is for the better. Just because a man is homosexual, “coming out” is not mandatory, and no shame is attached to keeping his secret to himself. Each man has his own individual path to walk and decisions to make. Indeed, deciding to remain “in the closet” might be the wiser, braver and more honourable option. Hugh Braceland Header Image MM

I hear you loud and clear Hugh. That has indeed been my choice my whole life. What I tried to describe is a new feeling for me, one that has been getting stronger, maybe because as I reach the end of my life, whenever I have wonderful sex with a man, which happens only very rarely, my longing for “who I might have been” takes form in my imagination and I think about what it would be life to be “out.” I agree with you that a contemporary book on secret lives, one that explores the experience of and motivations for secrecy (and I don’t mean a present-day porn novel like “My Secret Life”), would be fascinating. AJ

From a conversation on Gay Dad – Images Tom Of Finland