“The dream is the liberation of the spirit from the pressure of external nature” – Sigmund most surely had that right! The older I become (78 soon), the more this seems incredibly true. So many dreams, that I am able to recall after waking up, touched on the frustrations of a life devoid of much sexual pleasure with others. No doubt, my Catholic upbringing did not help much, neither did taking care of both parents as they slowly succumbed to poor health, long illnesses, and death, one following the other, for more years than I care to remember. But at least it makes much sense to realize that I missed out on becoming sexually mature through interaction with others who themselves were gay, and had had many more sexual experience than I. It didn’t help that by the time I was free to be who I was, it was too late – too many issues related to finances, health, and waning desires. And dear old Sigmund was on spot, later on, when he posited: “repeatedly bringing the patient back into the situation of his accident” – maybe not quite the way we interpret our lives – as an “accident” – but near enough to the description of my later life’s endeavors, lost hopes, and dreams of a non-existent future of GAY love and GAY Life. R.A.
Thank you Anon. I sit alone as I type this, disagreeing with you wholeheartedly, but feeling comforted by how you reached out to help me change my mind about my life. Knowing one is totally alone, with the exception of a few friends, is a feeling I hope you never experience. These few friends are in poor health, etc. and whether or not they might know I am a Gay Man, is unimportant. I simply will wait until I am incapable of taking care of myself and enter a local nursing home, that is if I can sell my house. It all ends, it does for everyone. It is just that what we had hoped and longed for, will never see fruition. I wanted another Gay Man to love me, to help me not be afraid of dying and death. This is the curse of living too long and not being allowed to finish it once and for all. But, again, I am comforted by your kindness, and I hope you are sharing a life with someone whom you love, and that he loves you, equally, as well. Love and be loved. Ricardo.
Dude, I realize you feel like you missed out but just consider for a moment maybe that wasn’t meant to be or the best path for you as an individual.
In my experience, it does no good to compare myself to others as I am unique and so are you. We all are different and its wonderful. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it brother.
Some people never have love in their lives the way we may think of it but they do have love and light and kindness in so many other ways. I suspect you do as well. Peace.