I identify as straight, am married to a woman but know that I am sexually curious about other men’s bodies. I regularly meet online with other men to have sexual conversations and masturbate together. Watching other men enjoy their bodies and react to my action to arouse them and me is a huge privilege. It has increased my confidence and has sparked a different journey of sexual expression. The next step is a big one, to be naked with another man in the same room. I am naturally risk averse, but know I need to learn more and face my fears. My desire to touch and taste another man’s body grows stronger as I become older. Help to keep myself safe would be valuable advice that I hope can emerge from my interactions on this site in time. – David
Artist : Williams Roberts – Pastors Pleasure ( On The Lawn ) circa 1945
I really understand your situation. Although I’ve always known I was gay, I’ve been married to a woman for many years, with kids and grandkids. The longing to connect sexually with another man became stronger as the years went by and about 18 months ago I began to have sexual relationships with other men. I felt like I had come home to my true self. However, it hasn’t been easy. I’ve had to reassess my sense of self and my identity, and deal with the sense of loss that suppressing this core side of myself for so long has brought. It hasn’t been easy and I feel like I’ve opened Pandora’s box. However, I have no regrets. Here are the things I’ve learned: Act in accordance with your values, and be true to your sense of personal integrity. In my experience the online gay world can be a battlefield. If you feel the need to share this journey with your wife, ask yourself what your motivation is. Only you can know this, but any disclosure can have life changing consequences. Do you want this? – As others have said, be safe and take precautions. Don’t be pressured into abandoning these if they make you feel safe. Find someone you trust who can walk with you through this journey. I have found this support to be invaluable. And finally, sometimes there are no right or wrong answers, you’re simply making the best of the situation you’re in. Don’t beat yourself up. I hope these thoughts are helpful. Wishing you all the best. – Ruben
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I am so very grateful to Mr Cox and this site for helping so many men be just that, men.
No explanations required fellas.
Men need men. Men have always needed other men. Many women do not understand this and if that is the case then they do not need to understand. For many men sports provide that closeness and bond. We have always been the warriors, the protectors, the fighters and the providers.
Acknowledging this by no means diminishes women’s contributions to life- if they think that way it is a choice to look at things that way and “overlook” or deny men as they really are. That is not a man’s problem.
Thank You, John
David,
The advice already given here is truly awesome, and given with love and understanding, so please feel confident to follow it.*
I had some experience of sex with friend before puberty, and as a teen with a teacher, and then completely avoided any hint of intimacy with other men until my sixties, when I had the opportunity and my desire became overwhelming. It makes me very happy, sometimes euphoric to meet and make friends with men that I can be open with about our sexual desires.
I have met plenty of men who also, often after their marriage and work pressures declined, could no longer deny a part of ourselves that yearned for sexual intimacy men. Masturbation and chatting online are a gift we never imagined we would have, and have opened the opportunity to discover the depth and pleasure of our sexual desires. We can now let those desires take shape in our lives, and I am fuller, richer and happier as that desire and pleasure and intimacy fine a place in my life and complete a part of me that had been shunned for so long.
*The one element I would elaborate on is how to successfully ride the waves of power dynamics and our own motivations,. This is not unique to male intimacy but may be amplified and can be confusing. The greatest gift I have experienced in this journey has been allowing my true feelings to emerge, and I’m privileged and honored (after some searching) to have found men who allow me to have those feelings, as they truly are, at any moment.
Thank you Jack for your advice. I hope my time will come too one day.