I want you
I need you
I suppress my need
For intimacy
With the real warmth of a real body
For a look upon
Sex
On DVDs
Cinema screens
The internet
Live! On Stage!
In magazines
In saunas
In dark rooms
Parks …
The look of lust that’s in your eyes
As you sport a passion that I can only dream of
The way you lovers go at it
With bodies like GODS
Bareback
Without shame
With wild abandon
Carefree.
Your siren calls me –
I kid myself that I am free:
Days,
Weeks,
Months go by … your call beckons
I binge
Surrender
Helpless
Hopeless –
Spend money I don’t have
Spend time with faces I don’t know
People whose bodies I see (but not their eyes)
Just for a touch of your cold, cold, cold embrace
I substitute make-believe
(So unlike the real touch, of a real lover!)
Leaving me spent
Isolated
Ashamed.
I sit here
Exhausted,
Filled with remorse
Sick of all my (broken) promises:
Butterflies of desire
Line my stomach
Filling my cup to the brink
Yet here I remain
Ravenous.
