struggling to get my dick hard

Hello. I’m 24 years old and a healthy gay man. However, I’ve been struggling with getting my dick hard or keeping it hard when I’m with another man. It frustrate me and I don’t know how to deal with this. I receive a lot of invites for dates or sex, but I feel afraid that I won’t function so I’ve been avoiding relationships. Could you help me anyway, please? Anonymous

dick here 4  a hard-on

9 thoughts on “struggling to get my dick hard

  1. I’m a straight but curious man in his 40s I find it very hard (excuse the pun) to get very hard or hard at all when I’m with a woman, mabye I need to try a man?

  2. I’m now 40 and have been having the same problem for all my live. I can’t tell about you for sure but it has probably nothing to do with blood circulation (at your age, very unlikely) but with anxiety and sensitivity. For example, I get rock hard when I’m fully relaxed and masturbating alone or if I’m totally comfortable with my sex partner. It can be very tricky in a world that is so cold with people expecting you to be some kind of machine coming out of a porn and when you want to do it in an “hostile” environment like cruising areas, saunas, etc. Also I noticed that with some men, even if I see them 10 times, I’ll never get hard and with some others, it works the first time. You click or you don’t and some people seem to be psychologically “castrating” in some way. Unfortunately, I’d say that you have to learn coping with it, benzos (anti-anxiety pills) don’t make it better and are a nightmare in the long run, pot opens imagination and sex drive but can worsen anxiety, alcohol is a road leading to flat dick and addiction. I’m sure a lot of gay men go bottom because it’s easier this way if you know what I mean. Personally, I feel alright about it now. I find my sex partners on the Internet and have them coming to my house, a place I am comfortable in and I tend to have long term fuck buddies because the more i know them the more I am at ease with them. One of the key is accepting that we are humans with emotions and sensitivity, that life is not a cheap porn and that you don’t have to be like everybody around. I hope it will get better for you and you’ll find your way. Good luck !

    1. Wow…
      I love your response!!! I’ve had this issue for use yrs now myself. It is very fu*king upsetting for me. Because I want to have sex and just can’t get or stay hard. I’m trying to deal with it. I’ve used pills and it only helps for a l while.

  3. When I was in my 20’s I sometime had the same problem when I was with someone for the first time, I think the anxiety got the best of me. If you’re a healthy guy it’s probably not a physical condition. Look on sites like for help and support. You’ll be fine!

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