It’s a fact that the average sized penis is approximately 6.5”- 7.0” long, so why do men pander after owning a whopper, isn’t a Mini just as smart, if not smarter than an Cadilac?
If you ask most men does size matter, you’ll probably get a response like, “Its not the size, its what you do with it that counts” or, “it’s the girth you should be interested in baby, not the length.” While both are honest replies, these sorts of response, to an obviously probing question, highlights the uncomfortable relationship between a man’s brain and his penis. Dare it be said, the very essence and centre of his masculinity is being put on the spot here! The reality when it comes to driving big motors is that most women prefer the cute and nifty Mini to the understated grandiosity of the Caddy In today’s fair and equal society you would assume that gay men would have the same regard for big’uns as their heterosexual sisters, nice to look at but you wouldn’t want to ride one. However, many a gay lad is known to be fond of the tag XXXL often extending a warm welcome to “the newest and biggest boys in the girls’ class”. To those particular big boys: listen up, finding an adequate parking spot amongst the twinks, muscle marys and boyish babes hanging out in Soho is gonna be, trust me, not that easy. Boys and girls, it ain’t “big is best” it’s, “how snug is my red-hot motor gonna feel in your parking slot?”
So read on and learn that big is often a drawback not an advantage, it can so often wreck a perfectly good relationship-if you’ll pardon the unintended pun-by coming between two people. It’s not my intention to talk about why big boys are so sort after and admired by women and men alike, rather I’m more interested in the problems big lads face in their day to day lives. For example, how does a big guy who’s over thirty maintain his erection for any decent length of time without the aid of some diamond-shaped chemical stimulant? Think about it, a big dick needs more blood than a small dick; any problems with circulation and you’re straight down the doctor for some jolly blue Viagra. Then there is the problem of only being able to put the tip of your stick, into the mud, because the puddle ain’t as deep you first thought. Being big is a problem for many men who measure up beyond the average mark, so think long and hard you small guys about wanting to play with the bigger boys. Whether making a frontal assault or one on the rear, big boys don’t always have it so easy. Someone once told me that if I had 5 inches I’d be a very different person, and although I think this person was trying to have a go at me I do think they were probably right, but not having 5 inches I cannot be 100% sure. Yes being above average does offer a degree of self-confidence that those who were at the back of the queue for willies, I suspect lack. But don’t be fooled, being big brings with it serious problems.
For women its breasts that are the issue, some women will attempt breast augmentation to ease their sense of inadequacy, but having done so these same women often find they have made an error in their beautification process, and so later request reductive surgery note Jordan a.k.a. Katie Price or is that Andre? Equally some men have sort the skills of the surgeon to enhance their own standing in the arena of love. But have these guys ever thought how embarrassing it can be when you are walking down the street, dressed in a pair of loose fitting boxers underneath those baggy jeans, and you get a stiffy? You can’t hide such things when you are well endowed, well not as easily as those with smaller dicks. I was reliably informed once, by an East London prostitute who has many years of experience in the SM scene, that “those you’d say were well endowed expect to get their cocks abused… why? Cos its so big.” When I asked what was meant by “abuse their cock” I was given a long list of punishments beginning with spanking and gentle whipping, progressing on to, “the insertion into the client’s urethra of several graduated, sounds or metal rods” and sometimes ending with the “piercing ritual”, ouch! There is of course always the advantage that being hung like a horse means you can push the shopping cart while not actually being near the thing, but that should only be a party trick, performed amongst the very closest of friends and never in public. I am a first-hand witness to the dreadful consequences such bravado can have upon a couple and wiser for the experience. Ever since my ex stormed out of the local mini-market, announcing to the shocked onlookers that I was not her boyfriend, but some stalking pervert with a thing about grocery shopping, I have carried a basket rather than push a cart around the aisles of the out-of-town Safeways.
Three months after the incident with the shopping cart I heard my ex shout back at me, as she walked through passport control on her way to a new life, “It was all those f***ing afternoons I came home from work to find you watching that queer guy on Supermarket Sweep that convinced me we weren’t compatible.” Finally, to all you guys still reading, ask yourself this, if you were/are a big lad, how’d you know your partner is interested in you, maybe its just what you keep hidden in your pants that keeps them sweet? I have asked myself this question every time I chat somebody up and I am forever coming up with the same unreliable answer, “Its my mind they are interested in not my dick”. Then something happens once too often; as you kiss last-night’s conquest goodbye you are given a phone number, which later when you call it you are greeted with those immortal words “Can I take your order please sir?” Its then you realise the girls and or boys are only interested in what’s down your pants. Eventually you find yourself surfing the Internet for anything on “cheap rate penile reduction surgery”. Of course you will always get those who are envious of another man’s endowment, but they are the deluded ones, the hypocrites. While feebly dismissing the significance of size, they secretly hanker for that 3” diameter vac pump. Which leaves just one last thing to say, come on people give the big guy a break, its hard enough as it is being big, but having to live up to everyone’s great expectations only adds to the pressures of being the “the boy with most to offer”.
Size & Desire: It’s Girth Not Length By Dillon Toyne